Friday, December 31, 2010

My plans for 2011

I don't feel like calling them resolutions anymore... And in fact, I don't remember making any last year. So here's my cut and dry list. I'm not going to explain anything any more than I have to.

•Adopt a healthier lifestyle, even if by babysteps all year. The plan is to shed all of the weight I want to shed at this moment in 2011 (~100 pounds), but if I don't, I'm okay with that, as long as it all goes in the right direction.
•Buy a new laptop.
•Start working on my thesis project this summer.
•As my self-esteem recovers, it’d be nice to start dating again this year. I took a good year off of even entertaining the idea of dating seriously, and I didn't even go on a casual date or anything all year long.
•Get a new/better job if possible, or at least an internship that will lead me to a new/better job in the future.
•Stop making stupid purchases and help my parents out as much as possible, while paying my own bills.
•If I can find one for cheap (or borrow one), start learning the piano accordion over summer...if not, keep practicing piano instead.
•Don’t slack on school assignments and projects, get them done ASAP.

Basically, I want this to be my "get shit done" year.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Watch me Ramble! If I'd update more often, it wouldn't be so rambly!

I cut my finger open at Target on Sunday morning, and it's the type of cut that doesn't really scab, it needs to heal from the inside out. So guess who isn't going to water aerobics at least this week...and more than likely not next week either, because I'll be in Santa Barbara and Disneyland...If you said me...You're right. lol

I decided to kind of put getting back on track on hold until the 4th. I'm getting the rest of my holiday candy eating out of the way...I'm also spending a lot of time in bed. Snuggled up in bed with my blankets is much cheaper than running the heater all day. I have the thermostat set at 68 and I just climb into bed...watching TV...and I slowly fall asleep. It's not really a plan, but when you're all warm and cozy, what else is there to do? So I've been spending a lot of my colder days napping the cold away.

On Sunday after work, I'm heading down to Santa Barbara to see my friend Chris. I'll probably grab a nap when I get down there, then watch some TV and go out to eat with him... then we're going to wake up early on Monday morning and head down to Disneyland until about 8 PM or so, then head back to Santa Barbara because he works early the next morning. I'm thinking about just sleeping over at his place again, but it totally depends on how exhausted I am! If I can handle the drive back home on Monday night, I'll probably do it! This trip is going to be relatively cheap... I'll be spending money on food and gas only. Since my car has much better gas mileage, I'll probably make the entire trip on about $60. I'm also planning on packing clementines, apples, and other things that are easy to snack on at the park since they don't care if you bring in outside food. I'll have a couple of actual meals at the park, but if I'm snacky, I'm not going to spend money on expensive snacks. I'm also thinking about going to REI to buy some Platypus water bottles. The water at Disneyland isn't too bad (at least it wasn't in June, so I doubt it's changed that much!). So I can just refill those, and they condense into almost nothing, so they'll save space, too! If I don't, I'll still take at least my water bottle that I take with me to school/the gym...and just keep refilling that instead. Those platypus bottles are a nice idea, but I can't really afford their $20 membership right now PLUS the $7.95 for the bottle.

I'm trying to spend much less money and ask myself if I want something or if I simply need it. Usually, it's something I want... So I'm trying to avoid those kinds of purchases. In fact, after I bought a couple of baskets last night to help me organize my room better for the upcoming semester, I won't be making any unnecessary purchases for a while (aside from the whole Disneyland trip!).

(Speaking of which, I get into the park free AND I'm staying with a friend, so that automatically cuts the cost down BIG TIME!)

So I have a few things I still want to do before the next semester starts:
1. Establish a much more healthy eating pattern, even if it means spending one day cooking meals for a few days and putting them all in the fridge or freezer to eat later.
2. Establish a regular gym pattern until the semester starts (from January 4th to the 19th), so starting water aerobics and beginning swimming classes won't kill me.
3. Finish organizing notes from my classes of last semester, for reference material.
4. Maybe see if I can find a small bookshelf to put in my closet for more storage (of binders/books)...if not, I've got a bookshelf already, and I can just make use of that for a while longer (it might get messy again, but that's okay!).
5a. See more friends over break (I had plans to see three different friends today, but two bailed because of health problems, and one bailed because of weather problems, and he lives in Mariposa- so he's excused!).
5b. Spend as much time as I can with my brother Alan and his wife Nithsavath, because it's harder for me to see them when I'm in classes. They only live about 15 minutes away, but because they have their schedules and I have mine, it makes it harder to find time that syncs up!

I'm excited for next semester. I feel like I've finally got back into the swing of school. And this is awesome! I was struggling a lot this semester, just trying to remember when assignments were due. It was killing me! I also kept running out of paper because I was an idiot and I bought a 5 subject notebook! I bought my notebooks for next semester though, and I bought an individual notebook for each class!
I also placed an order on for one of my class's books! I actually keep getting emails today stating that my books have been shipped (I bought them used from different vendors).

I'm looking forward to next semester too, because of the PE classes and health class I'm enrolled in. It'll help me stay in gear as far as that goes! I'll have time in my schedule specifically devoted to making sure I get exercise. This will help me in the long run, too. I'm hoping that this summer I'll be able to start working on my thesis! So it would be nice to be able to hike all over the granitoid plutons without feeling winded!

I've determined that this year is a time for change, too. When this semester is over, I won't necessarily have classes all day Monday - I'm going to look into either an internship or a part time job that will help me get more hands on experience. If I can find a full time job, that would be awesome! I'm not holding my breath though, with this economy!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Pound for Pound Challenge

After finally watching the season finale of The Biggest Loser, I decided to join the Pound for Pound Challenge.

You can only pledge 50 pounds, but I figured, hey, that's a start, right?

Plans over break!

So now that I'm officially done with the semester, I can make an attempt to update this blog more often. I'm not making any promises though, as I still don't have my own computer. So here are my plans over winter break...

-I'm going to attempt to buy a new computer (laptop probably) and a desk to put in my room. I need a better at home studying environment.
-I'm going to attempt to spend no less than an hour in the gym Monday-Thursday. I might go the other days of the week, too, but since I work on those days I may not feel up to it. Sunday would be the most likely time I'd go of the other days.
-I'm also going to try to eat better over break. We'll see what happens, but that's the plan!
-I'm going to take advantage of my Netflix account over break, too! I set it to unfreeze the last day of finals! I have Stephen King's It waiting for me!
-I'm going to Disneyland on January 3rd. I can't really afford it, but I have a free ticket that I need to use up, because it expires in January (this was due to a complaint I made in the summer about the last time I went. All of the major attractions were closed by the time I got over to them). Luckily, I have a good friend in Santa Barbara, Chris (I'm sure I've mentioned him in the blog before, because every time I go down South since I've known him, I make an attempt to go see him), that is willing to let me crash on his couch, so I'll be driving down there the day before when I get off work, then I'll probably drive home after I leave Disneyland (or I might stay at his house again, seeing as how I don't work the next all depends). At least I won't have a hotel cost to worry about... just gas and food!

I don't have any other major plans for break, other than paying my bills and lying low over all... I may attempt to see my field area for my thesis at the end of break, only because I'd love to see it covered in snow. :D But if I do go up there during break, it'll be just for an hour or so. I don't know if it's worth the gas!

Okay, I've been up since 8 AM and I haven't had breakfast yet! So it's time to get my stomach to stop growling!! :)

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Of Christmas...and Why I Don't Like It...

I don't know if you're aware of this, but I'm not a big fan of this time of year.  It's not because I'm an Atheist and most people associate December with Christmas and therefore, it really has nothing to do with that.

Six years ago, in May, I met the sweetest guy in the world, horribly socially sheltered, emotionally fragile, intelligent...  There was just something about him, that in a very short span of time, I fell completely head over heels in love with him.  He was gentle, sweet, and off-beat romantic.  He was the first guy I'd ever said "I love you" to and genuinely meant it, instead of feeling like a wild creature getting pinned in a corner and having to utter it to feel less trapped.  His name was Daniel.

On December 5th, 2004, Daniel's Dad died suddenly from a heart attack while at the gym.  His father's side of the family was aware that for some reason, the males in their family did not live much farther past 45, and they all passed away due to a sudden heart attack.  Daniel's Dad, Kevin, did everything he could to try to prevent it.  He worked out daily, he ate right, and he rarely drank soda or alcohol.  He took great care of his body because he wanted to be around for his family.

Daniel was an emotional wreck after his Dad died, even more so than before.  I tried to give him his space, while letting him know I was there for him whenever he needed it.  I did something wrong, because I didn't know better, and Daniel broke up with me in January 2005.  It was the worst heartbreak I'd ever felt...

...In order to get over Daniel, I ended up on OkCupid for the third or fourth time...  And I stumbled across a guy from San Jose, who I dated for a year, Jeremy.  Jeremy was extremely controlling and verbally abusive, but I just so badly didn't want to be alone.  I thought of Daniel often, and I even attempted to contact him a few times in September 2005.  I didn't contact him more frequently because Jeremy was an extremely controlling douchebag, and I didn't want to create more drama...  But I missed Daniel.  He was so sweet, and I was dating the biggest jerk of them all at the time...solely as a rebound in an attempt to get over Daniel.

Jeremy and I broke up in mid-January 2006, for good (I'd broken up with him once in October 2005, but through some horrible "friendly advice" from a friend, I took him back)...  I'd tried to contact Daniel a few times, but I never got a reply.  I thought that maybe he moved on, or changed his phone number, or something. 

I didn't think much of it at all, really, until April 2006 rolled around.  I was working at Office Depot in downtown Fresno, when Daniel's Mom, Karin, came into the store.  I was surprised, because I'd assumed that maybe Daniel and his family had scooped up and moved back to Boston (because Kevin and Karin were both from Boston and all of their extended family lived there).  I asked Karin how everyone was doing, and she was being pretty vague.  I really didn't think anything was going on, maybe that Daniel moved away for college and had a girlfriend...I was thinking surely, positive things were happening.

Karin left the store after we said our goodbyes, but within five minutes she was back in the store.  Karin walked up to me, pulled me aside, and said she "didn't feel right leaving" without telling me.  I of course thought to myself "Oh, maybe Daniel is getting married or something?"

"Daniel took his own life..."

I lost it, I started bawling.  It was like my heart shattered into a million pieces and no one would ever be able to repair it...  After Karin left, I went straight to the breakroom and sat down...crying.  People kept asking me what was going on, if I were okay...I pushed the chair to the corner by the vending machines and I just kept crying.  I couldn't breathe.  I called my parents, I told my Mom...  I asked if I could go home, so I did.  I sat in the car for a good twenty minutes before even moving, crying...

I think the reason that this time of year is still so tough on me, is because I haven't had any worthwhile relationships since Daniel... I don't have any new memories to replace those extremely sad ones from Christmas 2005...  Every time I think of Christmas, I think of going down Christmas Tree Lane with his family, and him laughing and pointing out that Donner's sign was spelled "Donder."  Or how his Dad used to call me "Giggles" because I would giggle uncontrollably at his ridiculous puns...and his Dad bought a little snowman that giggled for me for Christmas (and when I opened it on Christmas night, I cried).  I also think about how Daniel got me a copy of Hour of Bewilderbeast, by Badly Drawn Boy, because I was talking about how I was looking for a copy of it forever and hadn't been able to find it...

Positive memories, but still very depressing memories...

And I think until I can start creating positive memories with someone else, Christmas will always be this grey storm cloud over my head...

Friday, December 3, 2010

Life has been crazy busy.

I'm sure you didn't need me to actually state that what with my lack of regular entries, but I felt like I needed to. School has swallowed me whole, I'm constantly doing something for school, and the only time I actually get "down time" is the hour or two before I fall asleep. I always have a hard time winding down at the end of the day, so I always have to find something to keep my mind off of all of the craziness long enough just so I can fall asleep. I've been watching the same Simpsons DVDs over and over again to fall asleep to. Unfortunately I have been falling asleep with the TV on.

So the things I had to do and have taken care of for school just in the last couple of weeks?
2 term papers
1 presentation
4 labs
1 take home exam

What I still have left to do?
3 labs
1 term paper
1 presentation
4-5 final exams (one of my classes will more than likely have a lab and a lecture exam)

The last day of finals for me is the 16th. So you'll probably not see me around much until then on the internet, in any capacity, unless I'm at work and using it as a break while working on my term paper and presentation...and labs.

I have plans of things to do and things to work on over winter break, and I look forward to listing them down here in an attempt to keep to what I have to say. For now, my biggest goal is to eat healthier and get a little bit of extra exercise. I've been slacking a little on the extra exercise because I haven't really had the time for it...but not doing bad on the eating better part. It's all a work in progress!

Well, back to the research for the term paper!

Five Senses Friday


I love this arrangement. I can't stand the original version of the song (performed by Train. I can't stand the lead singer's voice).

A lot better, thanks. lol I'm sitting at the table at work, working on various assignments that are due soon (it's nearing the end of the semester!)...and the light fixture above the table has 6 bulbs on it, only 2 of them I decided to unplug and move a lamp to the table so I can see better.

I love this time of year because two of my favorite fruits are in abundance. Honeycrisp apples and clementine tangerines. If only strawberries were in season in the Northern Hemisphere right now, I'd probably eat nothing but fruit for a while.

I'm feeling stressed because of the end of the semester. It's in sight, but I still have a lot of things to do. 3 labs for one class, 1 for another (which was added yesterday), a take home exam (almost finished with it, that's what I'm working on right now, actually), a presentation, and then final exams. Busy busy busy!

Right now I'm smelling Pinesol. I developed the habit of wiping down the counters and table at work before I do anything else... So it smells a little bit like Pinesol in here.