Tuesday, May 25, 2010

And no, it wasn't Edward Cullen...Yuck!


I went to see a vampire today.
Well, when I have O- blood, it's the least I can do every 8 weeks. I just think of the newborn babies that need my blood, or the people that have been hit by drunk drivers or in hit and run accidents... And it keeps me going back every 8 weeks, as close to 8 weeks as possible (this time was 8 weeks and 1 day).

I actually strongly decide against getting more tattoos in the near future just so I can continue to donate as often as possible. Every time you get a tattoo, you have to wait a year before you can donate again.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Busy!

I've been really trying to keep myself busy lately. The busier I am, the less time I have to feel sorry for myself.

Today I was supposed to take Maddy to gymnastics, but since she has a cold and wasn't feeling well this morning, Jamie kept her home to feel better. So instead, I went out shopping for a dress to wear to Carolyn's Wedding on Sunday (Alan's sister-in-law, Nithsavath's sister). I got a super cute dress! Black with big white polka dots. Then after I got home and watched The Biggest Loser on the DV-R, I got a text from my friend Eric. I was supposed to play Scrabble with Eric tonight, but he texted to cancel. He had final exams all day, and said he was tired. Understandable. So instead, I went to Christian's baseball game:



Tomorrow's plans? I'm going to visit my friends Kim and Susan and their adorable little girl, Kansas, before going to work.

Friday night and Saturday night I have work (overnight). Sunday afternoon I have Carolyn's Wedding. Sunday night I have work (overnight). Monday around noon I'm hitting the road to Sacramento for a few days to visit my friend Stacey (from back in the day when I was in concert band at Fresno City College). Then I work from Thursday night to Sunday morning... Then maybe Monday I'll meet up with Eric and play Scrabble, if not, I'll drive to Kings Canyon National Park or take another of my random little road trips. Then on Wednesday, I'm going to Disneyland with my friend Mary-Lynn!

That's my next two weeks. What do your next two weeks look like?

hehe

I'm trying to get a lot of travel, even if it's just within the valley, out of the way because come this August I won't have time for any crazy fun stuff. I'll be starting my masters degree! :)

In other news: My ankle is finally starting to feel okay again, after several weeks of re-aggravated pain. I'm going to take it really easy for the next couple of weeks on the ankle to let it recuperate a little more. Then I'll try to start lightly running again (30-60 second spurts).

Monday, May 17, 2010

First mini-road-trip

I've decided that once a week throughout the summer, unless I get ridiculously busy, I'm going to take a random road trip. Not going horribly far, but even maybe just a 50 mile round trip road trip... Which was about how long my first trip went. Next time, I want to go even further though.







I took these pictures on the first road trip, just exploring the eastern portion of Fresno County.

My route:


East on Shaw until it dead ends on Zediker. South on Zediker to Ashlan. Left (East) on Ashlan. Ashlan curves into Watts Valley Road heading Northeast. Keep going until it dead ends. Left on Sample. Left on Tollhouse Rd/168. Left on Academy. Right on Shaw. Ignore the little green things. That was just how I mapped it out for you guys to see my route. :)


Not only does it let me see more of California that I haven't seen yet, but it also is very relaxing. I love to drive just for the sake of driving. I get tired of it when all I do is commute to work and back home every time I drive.

Since I'm dealing with some depression right now, and experiencing more of California makes me happy, that's what my plan is for the summer, since I'm having issues picking up a second job.

Next week I'm going to Sacramento to visit one of my Fresno City College friends, Stacey. The following week I might be going to Disneyland/Knott's Berry Farm with my friend Mary-Lynn.

I'm basically trying to keep myself busy so I won't feel the depression. And it's working so far. :)

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Priorities

I'm trying to learn my faults, issues, and so on right now, so I can learn to cope with them better, or learn how to remove them from my life completely to become a better person. Since I'm not in school right now, and I'm having issues finding a second job, it's a good time to focus on bettering me. Right now I'm trying to focus more on the mental me. Because of the fact that I'm dealing with a lot of depression at the moment that just kept snowballing on from the point at which I broke my ankle, I have a lot to deal with, and my weight issue is being put on the back burner for now, within reason. I'm not letting myself get completely out of control, but it's not the main focus in my head right now.

When I'm depressed, I eat my emotions. So if I get rid of the depression in a timely manner, I won't be eating my emotions anymore. You see where I'm going with this?

So I'm on a mission to better myself, to become a stronger person emotionally.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Help!

I recently got treated like my feelings don't matter, and also in the same process had someone turn their back on me and basically tell me that because we have "similar problems" we can't be friends. I fail to see the logic in this, but I'm trying to not let it bother me very much.

I try to pretend that I'm not, but I do in fact feel a little bit fragile at times. Since I broke my ankle, I've been in and out of depression constantly. Some days are much worse than others. I get tired of relying on others for things that I should be able to take care of myself. I get stressed out that I look online for jobs every day (I wish I were exaggerating), and I never find one. At this point, I'd flip burgers part time just so I can get my own apartment. I get stressed that this depression just kind of takes over my diet and exercise plans, and I'd rather lie in bed all day watching Simpsons on DVD until I fall asleep, or eat whatever random junk I can fit in my mouth, even if it means it's the horrible mini donuts from Starbucks (seriously, don't waste your money).

If I had health insurance, I would seek help. Not antidepressants, but just some counseling. I need someone to talk to who is completely and totally removed from the situation that is my life, and will offer constructive criticism instead of making me feel like an utter failure because I'm not attaining my goals.

This is yet another reason that I am looking forward to starting classes back up at CSUF, because then I can use the psychological services on campus to help me through this. I just wish I didn't have to wait until May. I might call the department and see if I can just get in now... I feel like I can't handle some things in my life on my own right now. I need support and guidance.