Saturday, September 25, 2010

Control

Life has been kind of crazy at the moment. I keep talking about the same things because those are the only things I have any real control over, or maybe it's that they have control over me.

I feel like my weight loss has been hitting a downward spiral- but I guess depending on how you look at it, it's an upward spiral- in that the numbers keep going up instead of down. I fail myself all of the time in that regard. I'll put my foot down and say "Things have got to change!" and then it's almost like I forget about it the next day... So I'm making a real stand this time. I even went to Target after work this morning and bought some notebooks to keep track of physical activity and food consumed (a food diary). I'll be making good use of them both.

The physical activity book is actually made of graphing paper. I'm starting out slowly with various ankle exercises and yoga to get the ball rolling in the right direction (because my ankle is really weak, and yoga can be done without needing to stand). I'm hoping that after a week of ankle exercises, that maybe I'll be able to start running again, slowly. I intend to restart the Couch to 5k program from the beginning, repeating weeks multiple times. If you don't know what the program is, I'll just say that it is a program designed to get you to be able to run 5k (3.2 miles) in 9 weeks. If say, it takes me 20 weeks to get back to that point again, then it does. I don't care. In fact, at this point, I have it set up in my mind to do each week twice, even if I feel pretty good about how that week went. I'd rather ease back into the exercise on my ankle, especially since I gained some weight.

The food diary is going to be the most detailed food diary I've ever had, in a way. I've done super detailed ones in the past, tracking everything, even down to how many grams of [insert random element here] I had in that day... Well, I'm not going to do that. I may or may not track calories, too. When I say that it's going to be detailed, I mean that I'm going to track how I feel when I eat...what emotion is going on, why I'm eating- is it boredom or true hunger? How hungry am I? How much did I eat (i.e. did I have one scoop of ice cream or three?)...and so on.

I keep mentioning that I gained weight. So how much did I gain since I broke my ankle? Well, before I broke my ankle I was 238. That was the lowest I've been since I was 23 at 224 pounds. As of Tuesday this week, I was 268 again. The good news is that i'm carrying my weight differently than the last time I was this high (last time I was this high I was a 22, but now I'm still a 20). The bad news is that all of the work I'd done in the last two years were for nothing.

I'm not intent on making some major stride and having the weight fall off quickly. In fact, if I average only one pound a week, I'll be happy. In fact, if I only lose 3 pounds in one month, I'm still okay...as long as the general trend is DOWN.

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