Friday, May 14, 2010


I recently got treated like my feelings don't matter, and also in the same process had someone turn their back on me and basically tell me that because we have "similar problems" we can't be friends. I fail to see the logic in this, but I'm trying to not let it bother me very much.

I try to pretend that I'm not, but I do in fact feel a little bit fragile at times. Since I broke my ankle, I've been in and out of depression constantly. Some days are much worse than others. I get tired of relying on others for things that I should be able to take care of myself. I get stressed out that I look online for jobs every day (I wish I were exaggerating), and I never find one. At this point, I'd flip burgers part time just so I can get my own apartment. I get stressed that this depression just kind of takes over my diet and exercise plans, and I'd rather lie in bed all day watching Simpsons on DVD until I fall asleep, or eat whatever random junk I can fit in my mouth, even if it means it's the horrible mini donuts from Starbucks (seriously, don't waste your money).

If I had health insurance, I would seek help. Not antidepressants, but just some counseling. I need someone to talk to who is completely and totally removed from the situation that is my life, and will offer constructive criticism instead of making me feel like an utter failure because I'm not attaining my goals.

This is yet another reason that I am looking forward to starting classes back up at CSUF, because then I can use the psychological services on campus to help me through this. I just wish I didn't have to wait until May. I might call the department and see if I can just get in now... I feel like I can't handle some things in my life on my own right now. I need support and guidance.

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